All Diva Media Network

Who Says Boy's Can't Hit Girl's?

Tue, 19 Jan 2010 13:10 GMT

This is a debate that a friend of mine and I had concerning whether or not it's okay for a girl to hit a boy, but that boys don't hit girls. I guess what adds fuel to this debate for me is that I just happened to flip through and saw Tyra having a show on battered boyfriends and saw the Sixteen and Pregnant show where one girl basically slams her “baby daddy” up against the wall. While I am a woman and am all for the rights of women, I also think there are some men (who once were boys) who need to be stood up for every once in awhile and it doesn't mean that they are weak or wimps for not standing up for themselves or that they are somehow stronger by not. Where are we teaching that either gender being victimized is okay?

When a boy batters a girl, they are usually immediately reprimanded, yet when women take out aggression or anger on a boy physically, it is somehow more accepted. If the roles of the two teens on Sixteen and Pregnant had been reversed and we would have watched a boy slam a girl up against the wall, cops would've been called and he would have been arrested. There are people that blame the victim (whether male or female) and say that they should leave the relationship or the situation. However what if leaving is not a realistic or a desirable option for them? What if they do need to learn how to respect each other and live together peacefully?

Let's face it, in some homes when children are both sharing the same space 24/7, they get in each other's ways, overstep boundaries and simply step on each other's toes. Unfortunately, the initial reaction can be to respond with a hit or a kick rather than leaving the room or removing themselves from the situation. Then it becomes a “who started it first?”. As a parent, you can't stand over your children to make sure that if someone's toes have been stepped on, you are armed and ready to teach them the proper method of removing themselves from the situation and how they should handle it according to Dr. Phil, Nanny 911 or whomever. So before you know it, a fight has insued and often you will see one chasing after the other and some type of chaos. Fortunately with mine, after several laps of chasing, they usually end up laughing and having so much fun that they have forgot why they were so angry and after the other in the first place.

I think that to watch your children or any person being hit or victimized, whether it is male, female or your children or not, is hard to see. But there have been times as a parent where I will allow them to work it out even if that means with a bite, scratch or hair pull. If one looks like they might really hurt the other, I'll step in but there's not enough time in the day to play referree for every squabble. However recently the dynamics and the fights with my twins have changed. My daughter, though female has always been bigger than my son. Therefore, in most fights he is the underdog who I have to worry about her hurting him.

I'm not sure where all of this changed, what movie my son saw or game he played, but one weekend my son happened to believe that he had become some type of ninja fighter. He kept bouncing, kicking and punching through the air showing all of us his new fighting techniques. I knew this would not be good for his sister. So when a typical fight over something insued, I began to see this anger in him that I had never seen before and for the first time ever, I had to step in to save my daughter. While there was definitely a call to his father to let him know what had went on and for my son to be reprimanded, there was also a little “peace” of victory that I felt for him. He would no longer be bullied by his sister who just happened to be heavier and physically stronger than he was. As a matter of fact, I can't remember a fight that has happened since between the two of them.

So when it comes to the saying of “it's never okay to hit a girl” I say that there are many of us girls out there that can handle it and sometimes even need it. I happened to be a pretty tough girl growing up who suffered black eyes at the hands of a boy (he happened to be a very nice boy I might add) with a sling shot and somehow I survived that rock fight as well as many of the others that followed. It's not always the girl who is the victim. We might even be the instigator or the perputrator. I want my sons to know that if there isn't anyone else there to help or save you, self defense and even maybe fighting back might just be what the doctor ordered.

Lemonade Post

Fri, 15 Jan 2010 13:08 GMT

This post is just a little breather from parenting…sort of. I've just compiled a personal note along with a few entertainment notes.

First note is actually a tad parent related. For the past almost two years now, my mother has been battling with an illness that started as diverticulitis and has ventured into five majory surgeries and the possibility of having her colon removed. It has been a very painful and draining experience for her, myself and my family, however I view it as one of those necessary evils in life that definitely puts you in your place and things into perspective. When facing death, it is the small things that matter the most. I transported her from the hospital back to her nursing home on New Year's Eve (a.k.a. NYE which I learned on facebook chat) and we were able to drive through a nice neighborhood with beautiful lights and we thoroughly enjoyed it…the time and the lights. She also had me swing by her house so that she could just look at it for a moment even though it was dark and hard to see.

Whether it was a moment for her to be encouraged to return home soon or for her to say good-bye to it at this point, I'm not sure. She's back in ICU as of a few days ago and it's been a really long and hard battle for her. I've never seen anyone as courageous in her suffering. I love her dearly and want her to be here, but after almost two years of watching someone you love that much suffer, you make peace with possibility of death. I know we will all be okay no matter what her outcome is.

On a lighter entertainment note this week, I watched the season premiere of The Bachelor on ABC and I must say it was as entertaining as ever! As cheesy as Jake comes off, obviously there are many women that find him to be the catch of the century with his boyish and innocent charm. He's not my typical style, but I admit he is a hottie. I don't know who is worse, these women who seem to be willing to give their first born away to be the last one standing or the people out there watching it like myself?!

Then there is Mariah Carey who has made the headlines with her weird behavior and acceptance speeches at some award shows recently. Is this really news that Mariah Carey lives on her own planet? I remember a picture of her where she had dressed herself and her dog in matching ski outfits. Oh, and let's not forget MTV cribs where she puts on lingerie and gets in her tub?

There was the “nervous breakdown” a.k.a. MiMi can't handle when a movie called “Glitter” flops at the box office. There is some point in which we have to know that every star out there is going to hate and not know what to do with the same fame that they desperately searched for. Hope this isn't the beginning to another downward spiral for her. MiMi (if that's still your name), just keep looking pretty, dressing your dogs and marrying boy toys and you will be just fine. Stay away from the serious roles without the make-up. They really, really don't suit you.

Jerry Seinfeld’s “The Marriage Ref”

Wed, 13 Jan 2010 13:11 GMT

Jerry Seinfeld hasn't been in the spotlight much since the end of Seinfeld, but on March 14 after the closing the winter Olympics, he will be debuting his new comic reality television show “The Marriage Ref”. The show revolves around celebrities and a marriage expert who will examine the ongoing arguments that all couples have [...]

The Fuss Over Kate's Hair

Wed, 13 Jan 2010 13:08 GMT

I know we are ALL guilty of looking at the magazines in the check out line and even if we aren't tempted in the grocery store (which we all have to buy food, right?!) there's no way we can escape with top stories being plastered in front of us as soon as we open up our internet. So even though I have tried as hard as possible to block out “Kate's New Do”, it seems virtually impossible! So I will weigh in.

I took a poll that sort of surprised me. I wasn't a huge fan of her short style before, but I got it. It was I'm a mom, but I still have some edge. But the fact that the pole showed people liking her weave better sort of surprised me. Let's just put it this way, I don't. I find it scary and too similar to Britney Spears crazy extensions. I've never had extentions and maybe if they are done where they don't scream “extensions!” then I wouldn't have a problem with them. But otherwise, they just look like some of the dolls my daughter got for Christmas that you just clip in extra hair on the head here and there. And she paid how much for them? Reportedly around 5k! Am I the only one asking what the hell is going on here?

I can't fault her for trying to do something for herself and working on building her own brand with the focus more on her than Jon and her children. But maybe that was what contributed to her divorce in the first place? It probably would have worked out much better had she done that first before she got married and had children. It's unfortunate when we get it all backwards. I guess now the doors are wide open to her, but I still think I personally liked her better as a mom and don't think I'll be tuning in to TLC's “The Kate” show.

Goodbye Sweet Rodman

Mon, 28 Dec 2009 12:05 GMT

Nearly 14 years ago, the guy I was dating and I decided to get a cat together. We were 19 and I mistakenly thought that getting a pet together would make him more responsible and look at me as wife/mother material. He went to a groomer who was giving away cats and surprised me at [...]